June 29, 2009
I have been reminded how incredible my God is through the lessons that He continues to reteach me. First, I was thinking about how the more I get to know Him, the more I realize it is not about being a good person. I remember a time when I felt like a good person, who did not really need to be saved. I was grateful that Jesus loved me enough to save me, but deep down inside, I did not feel like a bad person. Warning flags went off in my head, but that was honestly how I felt, so I prayed about it. Since then, God has been revealing more and more of Himself to me. And I realize that it doesn't matter! Who cares if I feel like I'm better, cleaner garbage, or closer to the top of the garbage can than a lot of humanity? The fact of the matter is that garbage is still garbage in comparison to God! I know I still think better of myself than I should, and God deserves more love and reverence than I give. I pray that as my walk continues, He will strengthen my awe and reverence of Him and humble me with eyes to see what I am in comparison to what matters--His standards. I know this lesson is not new, but each time He teaches me things like this, the synaptic connection is strengthened.
This reminder caused me to contemplate the constant battle Christians face. We are repeatedly reminded of the things of God. Trust for example is one of our most difficult. As humans, we always need a plan, a goal and a way to achieve that goal. But the goal is not the focus of life. Jesus Christ is our focus and through our focus on Him, He accomplishes what needs to happen through us. At this stage of my life, right out of college, it is easy to waver in my trust. For in this flexible stage, I could head in a multitude of directions and it is easy to get overwhelmed, hoping that I choose the right door. But as soon as these thoughts come crowding in, God steps in and calms my mind. He tells me that I don't need to worry or stress. He tells me to do the tasks He has put in front of me, have the courage to knock on doors for the future, and be at peace knowing He will supply all of my needs. The answer is so simple--trust. Yet it is so difficult for us to always stick to it. I cannot even count the number of times, God has had to remind me to simply trust Him. And I know it will continue the rest of my life.
When I think of this, I am astounded. Why would God love me enough to pay that much attention to me? Why does He patiently remind me of all the lessons that I have to learn and relearn? I think of a common pet peeve--to go over and over the same thing with another person. It's frustrating when someone does not get a concept, and you have to teach them over and over again. I know I get frustrated with myself when I can never seem to get it right and have to relearn the same lesson. My God not only patiently teaches me, He teaches my friends, my family...anyone who asks Him. And He never gets frustrated that He has to teach you again and again. Instead, He gets hurt and grieved when you turn to other things instead of coming to Him. How can He have the strength to be that patient with us? It's admirable and brings tears to my eyes. He holds my hand and never gives up, no matter how many times I fall down. Oh how I wish people could see how much He loves us, and how much we hurt Him. How patient He is with us and how quickly we forget Him. Even His discipline is an act of tough love for children that need it. I want more! I want to know Him better! If He is willing to pay this much attention to me, I've found my source of love and worth!