Friday, August 5, 2011

Too good to keep to myself

November 5, 2008:
I was writing in my journal and was touched so much. I think it's worth sharing. I may have to be slightly vulnerable to write this, but it's too good to keep to myself.

Recently, I experienced a lot of hurt by a friend, who almost became more than a friend. I was praying about it because I wanted to love and bless this person. To shine Christ's light and love into his life, and I couldn't. He wouldn't let me. That hurt. It's hard to love someone and be not be allowed to give. I was praying and asking God why this was happening to me. I didn't understand, and I didn't know what to do with the ache in my heart. He whispered, "Now you know what I feel. I hold out goodness, love, faithfulness, trust, hope, peace, joy--everything they need, and they still reject me and return to their own sin."
It hit me. I realized that the pain I felt for this friend was a tiny glimpse of what God experiences everyday. Oh, how His heart must break! How has God endured this from millions of people throughout all the ages? That's a lot of people, and we all reject Him over and over again. This experience has increased my love for God. I would have given up immediately if I were in His place. Yet He patiently endures pain after pain as we shove His goodness and blessings in His face. How many times do we run from God when He longs to shower love on us? Why do we fear good? We run from what our hearts long for and crave--unconditional love. A love that will turn the other cheek. A love that will still pray for, and be a friend to, the one who gave the injury. A love that knows our weaknesses and loves us anyway.

I am grateful that God has shown me a taste of what He is given all the time. I love and trust Him so much more for it. It's humbling when you experience a bit of what we put God through. Why is it that we are so self-centered that we complain about our lives to God and demand to know where He is? But rarely do we think about what OUR lives do to Him? I think God wants to bring us to a point where we stop focusing on ourselves--on our pain, on our relationships, on our friendships, on our struggles, on our tears--and consciously live to be a blessing and joy to people around us...but also to God. That our focus becomes: how is God using my struggle, my pain, my fear, my insecurities to further His kingdom and bring glory to His name. I pray God touches others as He has touched me through this lesson. To Him be the glory and honor forever.

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